Powerless Over…..

W hen I first entered the twelve-step community, I learned I was powerless over drugs and alcohol.  As it was the first step I took, I learned it quickly.  Looking back on my using career, I saw the powerlessness in every aspect of my life.  My work suffered, I dropped out of school, I burnt bridges with family and friends, and blamed my problems on everything and everyone except myself and my using.

Over time, twelve-step programs and Buddhism both have helped me see that I am powerless over much more than alcohol and drugs.  I wish sometimes that other people would act in a certain way or that situations would go as I want.  In reality, I am powerless over everyone and everything but myself.  I even am not able to fully control my own thoughts and emotions consistently yet.

When I find myself upset with any situation, person, or thing in my life, it is generally because I wish or expected it to be different.  As is commonly said in meetings, expectations lead to resentment.  When I am able to realize that I am not in control and come to terms with it, my attitude immediately changes.

I see that the cause of my suffering was an attachment to my perception of what it should have been.  Even once something has occurred, I often spend time fantasizing about how it could have gone differently, or what I should have done differently.  The cause of my suffering in these times is both an attachment to my preference, and not embracing how things happened.  I am continually learning more and more to see how my dis-ease is caused by myself.

The solution to the discomfort comes in several forms.  One thing that really helps is working the Third and Fourth Noble Truth.  When I realize that my suffering is my own creation, my next realization is that my salvation is also my own creation.  I am powerless over so much, that I must keep power over what I can: myself.  I see the cessation to my suffering, and then the path to cessation.  I work the first of the Eightfold Path: Right View.  I practice seeing it for what it is, and that alone often clears my discontent.

Also, I work the second and third steps of the program.  I practice accepting that the Universe has a plan for me, and I turn it over.  This is one of the times when Buddhism and twelve-step programs work very well together.  When I see that things occur exactly how they are supposed to, I come into acceptance and can see things more clearly, with Right View.  I am a true believer that everything happens for a reason, and I can learn from everything that happens in my life.  When I work steps two and three, it helps me come to this conclusion.  My powerlessness over everyone and everything are a fact of reality, and when I am able to accept that, I come far closer to living with true serenity.

Tags: 1st step, 2nd step, 3rd step, powerlessness, twelve steps